Are You Buggin'

Most of us have figured out that we spend at least as much time with our co-workers as we do with our families (8 hours work; 8 hours home; 8 hours asleep). Though we choose who we live with, we usually don't choose our co-workers. If you are as lucky as I am, your co-workers may become like a family, but even in such an ideal situation, there will still be irritations, a poor choice of words, or a snippy e-mail from time to time. If you are working with others that you already have some tension with, these events will be even more likely.

What to do? As with all communication skills and interpersonal skills tips, the focus is on what YOU can do, not the other party. We can't change others (though we may persuade, it's still another's decision to make a change). With that in mind, here are a few considerations for keeping the
"buggin' " to a minimum:

1. Keep your voice down.

Whether on the phone or in the hallway, when another is trying to concentrate this is an extreme annoyance. We are likely not aware of our increased volume---either due to enthusiasm about the topic or just because we talk loudly without realizing it. For those of you who are not sure if you are a loud talker...assume you are. If you are sure you're not, then you are probably already conscientious about your volume in the workplace.

2. Interrupting.

This can mean interrupting someone who is talking, but it also holds for interrupting someone in the middle of a task or a phone call. Ask permission before interrupting. Many people also forget to ask when they call a co-worker, if it's a good time. Instead they launch into a long discussion and may have to be interrupted to reschedule the conversation for a better time.

3. Cool the perfume (cologne).

Headaches, allergies, clouds of fragrance hanging in the air for hours...these are the side effects of too much cologne or perfume. Remember: you can't smell yourself. After a few minutes, your fragrance doesn't register with YOU anymore, but it does with everyone else. (P.S. I have complimented someone's fragrance to be polite and secretly was overwhelmed by the scent.
Don't assume numerous comments or compliments means your fragrance isn't too powerful. In
fact, if you are getting regular comments, it IS too strong by definition!)

4. Being late.

Now being late for work is a different topic. We know that's not okay. But for meetings, lunch, etc. this behavior on a regular basis, is really just disguised arrogance (yea, I said it!). It says, "My time is more valuable than yours." Now, the occasional emergency with an apology is one thing (So sorry! I got held up on a phone call.) But a habitual late-comer, is sending a very disrespectful message to others.

5. Let people have a bad day.

Sometimes we have a bad day, a quiet day, a focused day....a day where we are not acting as we normally would. Instead of stopping someone and saying something like, “Wow. Seems like you're having a bad day" or "Is there anything wrong?" or "What's the matter?" just let 'em have a "different" day.
All of these questions may seem caring, but to the receiver they are likely irritating. The message is really: " I don't like how you are acting" or "Your behavior is making me uncomfortable". Any way you slice it, the question is coming from our own discomfort with the behavior, not an attempt to soothe. We force the already-stressed party into responding forcibly with, "No, I'm fine. Thanks for asking" or some other polite response that probably just adds to their burden.

6. Whispering.

You are probably NOT talking about me, but that is what I will assume, at least initially. Shut the door or take it to the break room! And never do this in meetings or training classes. It irritates everyone, not just the meeting leader or trainer.

7. We noticed!

A loud snort to clear your sinuses; yawning aloud; burping semi-quietly. Come on! An "excuse me" will always do the trick.