Balancing Parenthood And Single Life

By: Dating Guru Click author's name for more of his/her articles

Think about it: After going out on a spectacular date with a woman you're interested in, isn't it great to come home to a clean house?

Why does coming home to a clean house feel so good? Because your wonderful 5-year-old offspring is due within the hour, that’s why. And doesn’t she deserve to find her way to her bed without wading through your ripped T-shirts and sweatpants? And that’s why, regardless of how you were able to completely focus on your date, the truth is, as a responsible daddy, you cannot escape your roles as a single parent and as a boyfriend. And just like most things in life, to get both of these jobs done accurately, you’ll need a plan; here are the things you’ll need to map out when living this “double life” with the people you love.

Playtime with your kid

It doesn’t matter what country they live in or what their mother tongue is, all children speak one universal language: the language of “Play.” And without exception, there is no better bonding activity than playing with your child. Whether you’re on the floor building something with your 3-year-old daughter or tossing around the baseball with your 16-year-old son, playing with your child is the ultimate manifestation of love and intimacy. With every moment of play you are saying to your child, “I love you so much I just want to revel in the exact same language you speak.”

Playtime with your gal

When it comes to romantic affairs I’m a big advocate of the word “fun,” because without fun , you know what your relationship is? It’s nothing. So whether you’re simply walking along some hidden forest trail or taking a road trip down Highway 61 with bitter coffee and glazed doughnuts in-hand, bear in mind to always make “fun” your final destination.

Work life and your child

You are the great unattached dad who takes his responsibilities as a provider very seriously. And you are a definite proponent of the great Italian family approach that it’s a man’s job to put bread on the table. I love that expression, for me it justifies each moment of my working life.

As a Renaissance man and single father, you are aware that your child is waiting in the front of the house for you to pick her up. To you it’s unimaginable to ever say, “Honey, I can’t come pick you up because daddy’s working.”

You understand that her expectations for the men she invites into her life will be built upon the type of man you present to her. If she doesn’t expect that you’ll come through for her at this point, she will likely let idiots into her life later on, because she won’t know any different.

Yes, working hard is the essence behind putting food on the table, but you have to know when to turn off the computer and turn to your child.

Work life and your love life

For women, the “nest” is everything. And it's time to understand that no matter what you do or what you say, the woman you are involved with is condensing it down to one question, “How will what he's saying or doing impact the nest that I've built or one day plan to have?”

Whether it’s about how you live, what car you drive, what food you take pleasure in or how you connect to other people, it’s always about the nest. Remember that, and you’ll always understand a woman’s motivations.

At the same time, she will also need your undivided attention when it comes to your dating life, which, for all intents and purposes, means listening. And so therein is the great conundrum: When do you concentrate on working to build her a nest and when do you turn off everything business in order to simply listen to her? The answer to this question depends on the woman you are dating, so do your best to gauge what she wants and when she wants it.

Nurturing your child

While he was growing up, I ended each night with my son in the same way: By saying, “Noah, daddy loves you.” Then, I'd kiss his forehead and as I exited his doorway, I turned back and said directly to him, “If you need me, you know where I am.” I played out this conventional goodnight for 15 consecutive years because I wanted my son to know that he was loved deeply before his day ended.

I needed him to know that I would never be far away. Single-parent guilt? Perhaps. But mostly I wanted him to know that I thought he was the most significant person in the world and I wanted him to wake up the next day believing the same thing. It’s called liking yourself, and it's the first step on your child’s road to success in love and work.

Nurturing your love life

For me, intimacy is about reveling in perfect moments, like when your child says “You’re the best daddy in the world” or that last big chord on Abbey Road.

Here’s a great way to try simple closeness: Forget saying “I love you” the next time you’re out with someone you love and forget saying “Baby, you turn me on so much I just want you in bed with me.” Instead, quietly turn to your gal and simply say this: “I like you. I really like you. I just wanted to tell you that.” Go ahead, try it, and see what happens when you take the time to express a simple moment of intimacy with your gal.

Domestic chores as a dad

I don’t know about you, but I have an aversion to having to keep my house clean with extreme prejudice. It’s like working out: It’s all painful until you’re done and can reap the benefits. It’s not that I want to make believe I’m uniquely dedicated in this regard, hardly, but there is something that makes raising a child in a clean home that much better.

I feel proud knowing that my son’s feet are treading on a clean floor and that his room smells good. I feel great pleasure when he climbs into clean sheets and puts his head on his pillow case. It makes me feel civilized, I know that it’s healthier for him and when he’s all grown up, I know he won’t make a frat house out of his home. Of course, by then he’ll also remember my mantra: For women, it’s all about the nest.

Domestic chores as a lover

Have you ever seen a bird’s nest that wasn’t perfect? And you know who’s most responsible for building said nest? That’s right, it’s Mrs. Bird. And it’s likely that the woman you’re either seeing or interested in now possesses the exact same qualities as Mrs. Bird.

Why exercise improves your life as a dad and a boyfriend.?

True, you may still be in the “sex-all-the-time” phase, but make no mistake my friend, if she’s a good woman, within an hour of her orgasm she’ll be looking around to take in the quality of your nest. And so I ask you, what condition is your nest in now? Is it in good enough shape for her to consider living in it? If you really like this woman and potentially see a future with her, I would see whether any twigs need replacing.

Staying fit for your child

I’ll pass the torch to my son when I am good and ready, thank you. Until then, I plan to beat him in the 100 meter dash and throw the baseball with him as best as I can. I also want to scale Mount Kilimanjaro with him, and that means surviving an 18,000-foot climb. In other words, I don’t just want to live as daddy, I want to feel totally alive as daddy.

I want to live life big time, and share as many physical activities as I can with my child for as long as possible. For that to happen, I need to be strong and I need to keep working out. I have to tell you, that at my age, 52, that means screaming out on occasion, “I can’t stand the pain.”

Staying fit for your gal

Women like muscles and stamina end of story (Oh wait, it’s good for you too).

Twice the fun

Ah yes, the duality of being a great single dad while trying to create a love life for yourself. The quest never seems to end as your one brain does the work of two minds and your two hands take on tasks that would require way more than you have at your disposal. But as I said before, just keep the points we just discussed in mind, plan out your time and responsibilities in each role, and learn to live a happy life as a unattached man and a single father