Going Through a Marriage Crisis? Reading This Might Help You Avoid A Painful Divorce...

By: Tony Darbyshire Click author's name for more of his/her articles

Statistics indicate that a lot of relationships go through a marriage crisis at some point. Certainly not every marriage but high proportion of them can feel the strain, and it can rock the boat an awful lot. But you can work things out and come out the other side. Let me give you a boating analogy; if you were to take a vacation on a cruise ship, and the ship suffered some catastrophe that caused it to start sinking, so that all the passengers had to either get into the lifeboats, or jump over the side of the ship, what would be the survival rate of the passengers?

The survival rate would probably be determined by how fast people are being rescued and finding their way back to safety. Those people still in the water are likely to be optimistic because, by seeing their fellow passengers being rescued in a reasonable time, they would do their utmost to ‘last out’. Their ability to survive in the water would, almost certainly, be way beyond what their endurance level would normally be. Let’s consider an alternative scenario. Let’s assume the passengers in the water saw a group of sharks having lunch on their fellow passengers who were also in the water… while the rescue lifeboats were out there in the distance but not close enough to pick them up immediately. So many people would just give up, and not put up any fight at all to try and survive long enough, and they would just drown. (Maybe that’s better than being eaten by a shark?) So, even though they had the physical stamina to last in the water, probably way beyond the normal endurance level in the first scenario, they decided not to fight for their life in the second scenario when their survival instincts took a nose-dive.

I think the analogy with a marriage crisis is pretty obvious isn't it? If it isn’t, then let me spell it out for you. The divorce rate in western society is now so high that many couples give up long before they should, and without thinking through properly what they could actually do to save their marriage. Of course it's completely reasonable to take this view, but it may be better to take some time out and review the options that are open to them.

Part of the crisis that unfolds, all over the world, is that when people are having difficulty with their marriage they look for marriage counseling. In some ways this sounds sensible, so why should that be a potential problem? Simply because marriage counselors don’t usually save marriages, they only put off the inevitable. Their intervention merely postpones the eventual separation or divorce. Sometimes the best that the counselor hopes for is that they do their best to calm things down, by helping both parties involved keep their cool. If they can stop them beating each other up emotionally they think they’ve achieved a result. But acting as a referee often doesn’t cut it and, in most cases, the deed to divorce gets up a head of steam, even with their professional help.

The most commonly accepted statistic is that a very high percentage of all married couples, or partnerships, who take their advice from marriage counselors usually end up getting divorced. Even if they aren’t divorced within a few months, they probably will be within a year, or two.   

Arbitration should mean we go and get our advice from psychologists, because arbitration was usually the next step for those who sought help. But another group, which gets referrals from psychologists, and who also specialize in the family counseling business is… yes, you’ve guessed it, the group of professionals that call themselves divorce lawyers. We all know that the professional divorce specialist make a handsome living from someone else’s misery. Though, to be fair, some of them do try to act in an empathetic way while they log their timesheet and get ready to send you their itemized bill.

For me the catastrophe is always exacerbated when there are children involved. It’s the distress caused to the children of a marriage crisis that makes divorce a real disaster. I do have a great deal of sympathy for those who get married and discover incompatibilities that make marriage unworkable, at worst, and challenging at best. If there are no children to consider they can end their marriage without too much horror and destruction, though they may suffer some emotional pain along the way. However, once there are children put into the mix then divorce should not really be an option. If either party is creating an atmosphere around the children where they start to feel upset and insecure, then maybe it is better to cut the ties than prolong the marriage. But those situations are very uncommon; most couples do realize the strain their kids come under when a couple aren’t happy. But it may be worth working on your marriage to see if you can resolve the issues that are causing unhappiness and concern, rather than cutting the knot that binds you too quickly.

Some couples who were, initially, advised by psychologists to end their relationship, find that a few hours of communication and discussion really does help. Often they are very pleased that they didn't just ‘give up’ and end it all too soon. And lining the pockets of yet another lawyer can be avoided.

You really can discover that a marriage which looks like it’s over can be turned around, perhaps even making yours one of the happiest marriages - that can last a long time.

A horrible part of any marriage crisis is that so few people are currently aware of what is needed. So, my advice, is to work harder to resolve issues that concern you; this is especially the case if children are involved. Try to work through your differences and come up with a much better solution. The solution? Work on the issues that are causing you both problems and do your best to stay together!

Article Source: ABC Article Directory

About The Author: Try and remain positive. Going through a marriage crisis does not mean you have to divorce. Even the deepest of problems can be overcome if you work at it. This is a site with some really good advice on lots of relationship issues and is well worth a visit ==> www.relationship-secrets.com - so take a look to see if it can help you.