Pages From The Missing Marriage Manual

By: Jake Jafims Click author's name for more of his/her articles

Do you pay enough attention to your marriage? Lack of attention is at the root of many failed marriages. Our hectic modern lifestyle leaves us all feeling like we need a few more hours in a day. When there are so many things competing for our attention something is bound to suffer. Often it is our relationships that suffer. This includes our most important relationship, our marriage.

A marriage must be tended like a garden. You must attend to it if you want it to survive. You must attend to it constantly if you want it to be the best it can be. The work is easy if you spend a little time daily. With only occasional attention you will find yourself going through phases of intense work. There may be nothing left to save if you wait too long.

Once the honeymoon is over, life often gets in the way of maintaining your marriage. Bills, work, and kids all take a higher priority. You start spending a little less time together. Deep discussions about your relationship or the future turn into discussions about who's going to pick up the dry cleaning.

Then one day you wake up and realize that your relationship has lost something. The change happened so gradually that you hadn't noticed. The longer it takes before you become aware of a problem, the bigger the mess there is to clean up.

So why does this happen to so many couples? Here are a few reasons.

1. Marriages don't come with a manual.

No one told you that you had to work on your marriage to keep it fresh. It was so easy in the beginning. You didn't have to work at falling in love. You didn't have to remember to talk to each other or spend time alone. But suddenly it's not so easy.

2. Close, but not close enough

Many couples realize that they have to work on their marriage but they don't spend enough time at it. Having a "date night" once a month isn't going to do it. It's like pulling one weed a day in your garden, it helps but it's not quite enough to get the job done. (Hopefully I haven't worn out this metaphor.)

The good news here is that you're on the right track. You and your spouse just need to kick it up a notch or maybe two or even three if you "date nights" are only once a quarter. I would suggest adding in some shorter but more frequent mini-dates with your spouse.

3. Lack of follow through

Many couples fall into the volcano syndrome. Pressure builds until the issues can't be avoided any more. Next there is the big blow up. When one of you reaches the breaking point a dramatic argument breaks out. In the end, one or both of you sear that this time it will change.

You do change, for a while. But the pressures and distractions that caused the original problems are still there. So the pressure begins to build all over again.

Too often I here couples say, "We would work on our marriage if we could just find the time". Those same couples manage to get to work every day, they manage to pay their bills on time, and they even manage to catch the latest episode of their favorite TV show. It really comes down to priorities. Discipline is never easy. If you wouldn't miss a meeting with your best client, why should it be acceptable to "forget" that you had planned a night out? If you always make a special effort to get to a doctors appointment, why don't you make that same effort to spend time with your partner? After all, your marriage is the most important relationship in your life.

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About The Author: Jake Jafims is the creator of GetMarriageHelpNow.com a website dedicated to bringing together the best marriage and relationship help products. Get more information at GetMarriageHelpNow.com