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Review of 'The Majesty of Your Loving - A Couple's Journey Through Alzheimer's' by Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle

By: Jacqui Dodds Click author's name for more of his/her articles

This is a very moving account of the personal journey, from diagnosis to passing away, of a very intimate and affectionate couple who were not afraid to communicate their experience of the progressive loss of faculties and protracted death caused by Alzheimer's. It is a poetically written book about affection, fear, trust and bereavement; about courage and stamina; devotion and acceptance.

I was attracted to this book on two counts. First, both the author and her husband are long term meditators and, as such, were dedicated to mindful, sympathetic observation of experience, accompanied by the blending of acceptance and action. As Olivia Hoblitzelle says: "We saw that Buddhist teachings were a container to hold the shifting realities of disease, that they could offer a helpful perspective as well as inspiration. All of us know, at some level, that we will face aging, dying and death but our youth-oriented culture is steeped in denial and phobic about these topics. Hob and I refused to collude in this denial. Rather, we were determined to face directly into what was happening."

This was exactly what I wanted to witness - and I did!

Second, I felt I knew very little about the actual development of memory and functional loss accompanying Alzheimer's and - conscious that I and my relatives and friends were growing older and for that reason more exposed to this disorder - I wanted more understanding, if it should directly strike my world. As we are tending to survive to a greater age, a greater and greater number of us can expect to be confronted by Alzheimer's. And, I have to say, reading this insightful account of a special journey has more than satisfied my hopes on both counts. I now have a clearer idea of what to expect and what might ease the pain of both carers and those directly afflicted.

I am a lover of books - and particularly biographies and autobiographies - and there are several more reasons why this very individual (usually private) account of how it is to be both the sufferer of the disorder and the carer/companion stands out for me as especially inspirational and instructive. The writer is the wife/lover/carer and she tracks with integrity and bravery her many emotional swings and the practical demands on her physical energy as the illness of her 72 year old partner, 'Hob' progresses from diagnosis to passing away. She is really full of life, vulnerable and 'present' in her story. And so is her husband and their love. It is, in fact, a tenderness story, with many, many dimensions!

Hoblitzelle cleverly structures each chapter to tell their tale as it unfolds, writing in the first person, but at the end of each chapter she provides a review of 'Reflections, Suggestions and Seed Thoughts'. This review really helps you link their story to your own experience. Hoblitzelle explains that she wrote these summaries for others living with Alzheimer's so that the book could "serve as both companion and guide because we are bonded through the shared understanding of dealing with this great challenge". This feeling of including you, as the reader, in her story and in her learning is strong but never appears as the expert telling you what to do. This means that you not only learn about the many facets of living and dying with Alzheimer's but you get useful pointers and psychological and spiritual perspectives that can help in caring for someone with dementia, as well as looking at one's own concerns about facing this condition. The clear descriptions of how mindful attention, recording and acceptance of everything that is experienced, emotionally, psychologically and physically, is inspirational and bolsters my determination to develop an ever more mindful and non-clinging approach to life - so that non-clinging awareness can stay with me in dying and death.

I thoroughly recommend this book to anyone interested in meeting illness, loss and dying with compassion and equanimity.

Article Source: ABC Article Directory

About The Author: Dr Jacqui Dodds is a working psychotherapist/counsellor based on the Sunshine Coast hinterland of Queensland, Australia with a strong spiritual interest and has been an active Buddhist meditator for several decades. In more recent times she has taught meditation and buddha dharma. Her deep interest is to form a bridge linking the practices of Western psychology with the wisdoms of Buddhist psychology. She has also recorded a number of interviews with well-known teachers and other experts in the areas of eastern and western psychologies which are presented on her website. She also reviews books that have moved her in some way. Visit her website at EastWestWisdoms.com or get in touch with her at jacqui@eastwestwisdoms.com