How should you describe your status? In Facebook parlance, your relationship roller-coaster has been reduced to one word: 'single.' Yet, how do you describe the feelings: back out in the rat race? back to feeling like 'you' again? or descending into the depths of depression? Everyone views relationship endings differently depending on why it ended and who ended it? A relationship can elicit emotions from relief to utter devastation at its demise.
However it ended, one point is clear-you will need to move intelligently into the dating world again. Remember:
View this time as an opportunity. As trite as it sounds, see the end as a new beginning.
Allow yourself time to heal. Do not jump into dating right away. If you are still mourning the end of your relationship, give yourself space. Chasing the 'idea' of a new partner without letting go of the old partner will spell disaster. A 'rebound' relationship is never fair to you or your potential significant other.
Find a comfort zone for your solo act. Learn to define yourself as
just you, not as an extension of someone else. Take pride in liking the single version of you.
Analyze your past relationship(s). Define what worked and what did not. You may need to re-tool your idea of the perfect mate. Perhaps you love the spontaneity of an impulsive partner, but find the immaturity that comes with it drives you crazy.
Make sure you keep the 'why it did not work' list handy for those lonely days.
Give yourself permission for a makeover. A new haircut, or a redecorated living room with no pictures of the ex, is liberating and re-builds a sense of confidence.
Get re-involved with friends; regain balance in your life. Give yourself some ' moping' time, and then get out of the house. Experiment with activities you have always wanted to try-rock climbing, parasailing, or wine tasting. You will feel accomplished, and your new acquaintances may evolve naturally into dating opportunities.
Consider the on-line dating option-carefully. It represents a whole new world, but it can be very risky.
Go slowly when you do start dating; take small steps. Make sure you are healed enough to give energy and time to another. Keep your newfound balance and confidence.
Relax on your dates; allow others to talk. It is easier to get to know others if you listen. When you do talk, be honest and open. Never play games for attention. Do not allow your past relationship problems to sabotage your present life.
Do not push for a relationship. If you feel confident, you will attract the right kind of interest and attention at the right time. You will never feel that unattractive sense of desperation.
Enjoy the journey. Dating can be fun if you do not weigh it down with the 'have to find a partner' agenda.
Get back out there; you still know what to do. The more things change, the more they stay the same. That Facebook status will be updated again.
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