Lately, I don't know what's going on.... my body is hot from the inside out. My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm "in heat". And I'm going out of my freakin mind! What's wrong with me?!I only sleep about 4 hours a night. Sometimes I'm shivering and the rest of the time I'm burning up. When I wake up, I never know what to expect. In fact for 6 months I wrote down my first feelings every morning when I woke up, to track my mood. It was great.... I could consciously look at exactly how CraZy I was feeling. Better to be Aware… right? Well, one day I woke up feeling happy, confident and beautiful...ready to embrace the day. The next day I woke up completely pissed off, ready to throw the cat, kick the dog and cuss out my parents for ruining my life. The next day I woke up so horny I want to make a 'booty-call' but felt ticked-off because I don't have "those kind" of relationships in my life. The next day I woke up ready to dive in and read the word… yes, the bible.... after all I do try to be a Godly woman who has great faith. The problem is that now-a-days my prayers are often filled with ridiculous pleas for a man, or the aching questions of "Why me God? Why are you letting this happen to me?" The next day I woke up and heard the birds singing before I ever opened my eyes... and I lay there thinking.... life is so good, I have the freedom to choose exactly how I want to live this day. You get the picture.
So, I went to my Naturopathic doctor who specializes in "The Change" and I explained that I was determined Not to lose my mind! He told me it was all normal and I could try some sort of natural progesterone cream made from wild yams. I did. It was like a sedative. Every time I rub it on the inside of my wrists or thighs, I exhale and realize this CAN be controlled. Ha! The problem is I ran out last week.Then....I met a fine, single man. He met my incredibly narrow list of physical attractions - over 6'4", thin, fit, handsome. This man was younger and wildly attracted to me from what I could tell. But....now.... I can guarantee that he will probably Never talk to a woman in her 40's again! By yesterday I had successfully convinced him that I was legitimately CraZy! I liked him, then didn't like him...wanted him, then didn't want him...tried sexting…. HA! that was laughable...cried from embarrassment, begged him to spend time with me, then blasted him for not spending enough time. One day I preached to him about my morals and values then a couple hours later I would have done almost anything just to see him stand naked in front of me. Last night I sent him a 10 page text and ended it with something like: I'm one out of control raging hormone - Do Not Contact Me!
What The Hell is Wrong With Me?!
One minute I'm laughing... the next I'm crying. One minute I want to make a baby and the next I can't stand the thought of waking up to a crying child. I think I'm beautiful. I think I'm fat. I feel exhilarated. I feel exhausted. And it goes on and on and on..... I am a single, empty-nester. My child is raised and off to college. You'd think I would be relaxing every day with a clean home and plenty of time to see friends, travel, create, and welcome in Phase 2 of my life.Don't get me wrong here - I do welcome, with enthusiasm, the open door in front of me, and all the possibilities that the best is yet to come! I am excited about life. Joyful. Hopeful. Happy (most of the time) The problem is that my raging hormones have me convinced at least 50% of the time that I just want to drink and have sex like a wild woman. What is that?! I wasn't even that person in college! And I'm the last person you'd expect to be that way now! I even considered the possibility of getting high the other day. What the **?! I have never wanted to get high! My God, I'm losing my mind!
I sat in church last week and listened to the pastor say it's ok to tell the Devil to "Go to Hell" when we are feeling tempted. Well I'm telling my CraZy hormones to "Go to Hell". Instead of praying before bed last night, I just looked up at the ceiling and said out loud, "Is this some kind of ridiculous joke?".I had to laugh! Sadly, I now know why so many women in their 40's are medicated... Girlfriends, I know, you know exactly what I'm talking about! And if you don't... trust me, you will soon enough. We just never talk about this stuff because no woman in her right mind is willing to admit this exists…right?! Oh no, we want to hold our composure and act like nothing is wrong. Usually we don't even know we are in "The Change" except that suddenly we have no idea what the heck is happening to our body, our mind, our ability to function as a normal human being. Half the time I laugh at myself and the other half I'm so embarrassed by what I may have done 5 minutes ago that I just want to run and hide. By the way, I didn't even used to cuss…. Do ya feel me?
Just remember.... that you are not alone. I'm convinced that every peri-menopausal woman is on the verge of CraZy now and then! In fact, Dr. Oz did a show on peri-menopausal rage. I learned that Peri-menopause is the time period shortly before a woman begins to experience full menopause. Typically it occurs between the ages of 35 to 55 when a woman is still having her period, although perhaps not as frequently or as long as previously. In fact, this is a time when a woman may first begin to feel that something is "not quite right" about her body as she begins to sense hormonal changes coursing through her veins. Ya think? .....It was described and PMS while on Angel Dust. Ha! But I have to laugh and say, "Stay conscious girlfriends! Don't lose faith! You're Not losing your mind. Embrace your temporary peri-menopausal CraZy and try to Stay Sane! This too shall pass! ….right?"
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As I experience Phase 2 of my life, I embrace each day as a journey, a discovery. Depending on the day, I may walk, skip, or run, but I always try to remember, the best is yet to come!
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