Thinking about writing a legacy for your son or daughter? What about your grandchildren? It’s a lot easier than you may think and it’s something you can start today. Imagine the wisdom you’ve collected over the years locked away in the recesses of your mind. How about unlocking the door and giving it to the next few generations? That’s the power of writing your legacy! Here’s an example of a topic I wrote in my son’s legacy book on how to end an argument.
HOW TO END AN ARGUMENT Part I
There are only two ways to argue with a woman, neither of them work.
I’m afraid it’s not much harder than that. Ten years from now it won’t matter who was right or wrong, only that you’re not still arguing about the same stuff.
Which brings me to how to argue with a woman. Just like anything else, there have to be rules. Every sport I know of has rules. There aren’t many rules to arguing with a woman, just two (not from the joke). First, only discuss what is at hand. No one wants to hear about how they screwed up last month or last year. Leave the past in the past and good riddance. Secondly, don’t make it personal. Again, discuss only the item at hand, not her cooking, appearance, or anything else that comes to mind.
If you are paying attention, you picked up that this is not about how to win an argument. I said how to end an argument. Too often we get more concerned with being right than with being done. Since you know me, you know I’ve screwed up on this more than once. Sometimes you feel so strongly about getting your point across, you forget how unimportant it truly is. Think back to when you were a child, can you remember some of the arguments you had with your friends? Look back on all those great arguments over the small, silly things that are so important to a small child.
Think about your most recent argument. How could your actions have reduced the escalation of an argument? When you carefully consider it, being right isn’t always more important. If, in ten years, you can remember just one of the arguments you had this year, it would be amazing. There is another way to end an argument. Don’t have it in the first place. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. Try understanding what upsets your wife or girlfriend and work diligently to remove it from happening.
For your mom, it’s the disorder. When your mom and I were first married we had to watch every penny. We couldn’t afford for me to buy lunch every day so mom made my lunch. As you know, your Mom is a night owl, so she usually made my lunch at night and left it in the refrigerator for me to get on my way out the door. This seems to be a relatively simple way of doing it except for these. First, I had a tendency to forget my lunch. Secondly I usually left by 5:30am while she was still sleeping so she couldn’t remind me to grab it.
You know as well as I do your mom knows her way around the kitchen, so my forgetting to grab my lunch wasn’t about whether it was going to be good. I was just forgetful. After many threats of having to make my own lunch, a compromise was reached. Usually when I was leaving for work, my mind was on what I was going to accomplish that day so rather than get upset, mom left me reminders so I wouldn’t forget my lunch. Later as I again became forgetful I would find my car keys sitting proudly on my lunch in the refrigerator.
We were able to take a source of frustration and by following the rules of arguing and remove it. You should take a moment to talk to your wife (or girlfriend) about the rules you will follow. Just remember, when you both get good at ending arguments it isn’t important who’s right. Another thing to think about is to be working toward the same solution. Too often in an argument we jump to conclusions without the facts.
More on that in Part II.
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Christian Smith uses his love of family to teach others how to leave a lasting legacy. Having invested the time to write his son’s Legacy Book, he’s turned his attention helping others write theirs. His other passions are being a Foster parent and a competitive BBQ pit master. Visit his blog at www.adadslegacy.com
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