Any Marriage Relationship Goes Through Argument Problems - Here's Is A Way To Use Them Positively... - By: Tony Darbyshire

A marriage relationship will go through difficulty from time to time and arguments can be a very serious issue. The key to resolving them is to ask yourself this question: "How can we deal with them so the arguments don't get out of control and cause hurt and anxiety to both of you?"

Some arguments, especially on more serious topics like sex or money, can be a real cause for concern - and they can damage the most stable of relationships - especially if they go unresolved. A good way of putting matters right between you, rather than letting your differences fester and jeopardize your relationship to breaking point, is to develop strategies that turn arguments into opportunities.

Sometimes, we just have to realize that any relationship, between two intelligent people can result in an argument on occasions. There will be disagreements, even in the very best of relationships, and it won't be possible to always see eye to eye. But remember this; it's not who 'wins' the argument that is crucial, it's how we 'deal' with them that really is so important!

Try and consider what you can do to stop them escalating to the point where they get totally out of control and cause so much hurt that you end up souring every other part of your relationship too!

To help yourselves solve the argument, think about what you can both do? There are a couple of practical things you can do when you find that you are getting into a heated discussion which seems like it's moving towards a clash of opinions.

Firstly, stop talking yourself and listen. Keep calm. When they are trying to have their say in the argument do your best not to butt in and interrupt them. Part of the solution is to take a more 'laid back' approach and use your ears rather than your mouth. You know that phrase: "We have two ears and one mouth, and we should use them in that proportion!"

Secondly, show 'active' listening. Pay attention by focusing on what they are saying and make sensitive eye contact. There is a very sound and powerful technique called "Rapid Repeat."

This is how 'rapid repeat' works. Repeat their words in your mind, as they are speaking. Let's assume your other half says something like; "Look! You just never put anything away after you; it's always left to me to do it for you!"

Now, as you hear the words being said, repeat them again, to yourself, and in your mind, in a 'rapid repeat' way - by repeating their words a couple of words behind them. It sounds a bit like an echo when you first try it, but using this technique will help you do two things; it stops you from interrupting what they're saying, and it will help you listen more attentively to their viewpoint.

But, a word of warning! Whatever you do, please do not use this technique of 'rapid repeat' by saying their words out loud so they can hear you! It could result in a quick 'slap' from your partner!! Only repeat them to yourself, in your mind. Remember it's an 'active listening' technique and speaking their words aloud will probably make them think you're being sarcastic!

Using this technique is very powerful indeed, so try practicing as much as you can. Even in ordinary conversations it can be a very powerful way of paying attention to what is being said to you.

There is a final, but really critical point, to understand; does he, or she, have a genuine grievance with your behavior? Perhaps it's true; maybe you don't always put things away after you? So, your spouse, or partner, would be right wouldn't they? You could try to respond accordingly with a sensitive and sincere apology: "You're right and I'm really sorry. In future I really will try my best not to do that, and make more work for you."

On the other hand, if they are prone to exaggeration on this issue then you can respond with a reasonable non-aggressive reply: "Well, that's sometimes true. I'll try harder to put things away after me, and I will try my best not to make work for you in future."

Being empathetic is much better than taking the position that they are wrong isn't it? To take the sting out of the situation for both of you, try this tactic.

So, what is the probable result? You've avoided a destructive argument and, at the same time, taken your share of the responsibility for not letting the argument develop into an ugly confrontation.

What you want to happen is to feel that neither of you have 'lost', and this should really improve your marriage relationship, or partnership. Doing your best to be in control of your emotions will definitely help. If you work on the techniques I've shown you, it won't be long before you begin to see how much better things can be - for both you, and your partner!

If arguments escalate and get out of control, they may cause unnecessary friction and hurt in a marriage relationship, or partnership. This article discusses how any couple, with a sensible approach on how to handle arguments, can use them as a positive force for change and make their marriage stronger, not weaker.

Always keep in mind that arguments can be good for any marriage relationship, or partnership, if they are handled properly. This site... http://www.relationship-secrets.com is one where you can find some really first class ideas on how to improve matters between you, so go and take a look!