It took quite a few years when I came to learn that not everything that happens in a romance movie happens in a real relationship. There are stages in our lives where we assume love must be like how we normally see it in movies, books, and TV series. Somehow, I always thought my relationships were less romantic if I failed to have such a happily-ever-after relationship. Perhaps this is the reason I've only met frogs instead of princes.
However, I eventually married a prince, a prince who, regardless of how fantastic he is, also has flaws and troubles just like any other human being.
I finally grew up and figured out how to release the ridiculous belief of romantic love and I found genuine bliss. True enough, I have been frustrated to find out that the knight in shining armor that saves the damsel in distress is a fiction. Itís just a product of imagination.
But letís view it in this perspective: Stories like "Titanic" and "Romeo and Juliet" represent an unreciprocated love. Unavailability heats up the romantic expression.
Such a passionate love story may only work if there is an absence of the lover - either one will die at the end of the story or the story will have an open ending leaving you guessing if they ever lived happily ever after. The romantic love fantasy is actually a replacement for intimacy - genuine, attached, sensitive intimacy. That being said, what must we do to build happy relationships?
We start by recognizing the real meaning of love and then change and improve our perception of fairytale romance into a realistic and healthy kind of love.
There are 5 easy steps to develop authentic closeness, obtain genuine love, and have a really happy relationship:
1. Accept who you really are.
We usually fail at romantic love simply because we are longing for something that is unattainable, something in another individual that we actually do not possess in ourselves. Sadly, as we eventually find love, we realize that we did not obtain what we were hoping to get. You need to love yourself first to find true love. You may just receive from someone else what you are prepared to give yourself.
2. Welcome ordinariness.
As soon as the fairy tale relationship dies out, we come across ordinariness, and we usually do all sorts of things we can to stop it. The key would be to identify that ordinariness can be the essence of romance. The daily beauty of sharing your life with your lover can really become extraordinary.
3. Extend your heart.
Our one common denominator would be our desire to be happy. This happiness generally involves the need to be passionately close to someone. To develop genuine closeness, get a hold of the space of your heart and recognize what is good inside you.
It is much simpler to identify the good quality in your lover if you are fully aware of the good in yourself.
4. Give priority to giving love.
True happiness is not about making people love us so that we feel good about ourselves; it is more important that we have loved ourselves and other people. We will be loved more intensely if we love others with the same intensity.
5. Do not rely on expectations.
Chances are you'll turn to things like romantic relationships and lasting intimacy to fill an emptiness in yourself. However, this may instantly result in hurting yourself and the other person. When you mindlessly expect to obtain love in particular approaches to prevent giving that love to yourself, you may be placing your sense of security onto another person.
Take from your very own inner resources to give love, care, and awareness to yourself when you want it. Then you may allow love to come your way rather than making expectations on what it should be.
These are just a few strategies to experience genuine intimacy. How would you develop a nurturing bond in your relationship?
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