Is your partner controlling?
A partner who is abusive will want to have you under their control at all times. They will exhibit controlling behaviour. They may tell you what to wear, who to see and where to go. They will try to control all aspects of your life including your social life. They will want to control who you go out with, what you do when you go out or may insist that you do not go out at all. An abusive partner may also expect you to do what they say at all times and not question their orders. This is an indicator that your partner is abusive.
Is your partner isolating you?
Before you and your partner met you may have had an active social life and gone out to see your friends and family on a regular basis. Has all that changed since you have begun the relationship with your partner? An abusive partner will discourage you from going out with friends and seeing your family. They may try to turn you against your friends or even try to turn your friends against you so that you will not have friends. They may discourage you from calling your family or going out to see them. An abusive partner will insist that you spend all of their time with them and ignore your friends. If your partner is isolating you from friends and family they are being abusive.
Is your partner extremely jealous?
An abusive partner will be jealous of the time that you spend with other people. They will be resentful of the time that you spend with friends and family because they may feel that you should spend all of their time with them. In fact they will insist that you spend all of your time with them at the expense of plans that you may have made with other people. They will also be extremely suspicious of friends of the opposite sex. They may check all your texts and read them to see who you are in contact with. They may even accuse you of cheating on them when you spend time with friends of the opposite sex. A partner who is extremely jealous may call you numerous times a day to check up on you in order to monitor what you are doing. This is abusive behaviour.
Is your partner putting you down?
If you are with a partner that constantly calls you names and puts you down this partner is being abusive. An abusive partner may call you names such as "stupid", "fat" or "ugly". A partner who is abusive will make you feel unhappy with their constant criticism. Nothing that you do is ever right or satisfies an abuser. They will take pleasure in hurting your feelings and being with a partner who attacks you verbally will also damage your self-esteem. An abusive partner may also belittle you in public in front of other people such as friends and family. They will not respect your opinions and will treat what you say as if it is of little value. If your partner behaves this way then they are being abusive.
Is your partner playing mind games?
An abusive partner will often make you feel like you are going crazy by recreating events. For example, an incident may have occurred between you and your partner and then when you confront them about it they will lie and say that it never happened. They will insist that it never happened and that it was your imagination and they will do this to cause you to question your judgement and perception of reality. If they said something to you and you argue with them about it they will not acknowledge what they have said. Instead they will lie and insist that they did not say it. All of this can cause you to wonder if they ever said it in the first place. If your partner is playing mind games with you then unfortunately you are with an abusive partner.
If you have answered yes to these five questions it is likely that you are with an abusive partner and you need to consider your options. You need to think about whether you would like to stay in the relationship and confront your partner about his behaviour or leave the relationship. The decision is yours.
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To learn how to overcome domestic violence and abuse please visit www.overcomedomesticviolence.com/ebook-how-to-overcome-domestic-violence-and-abuse
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