At some point in our lives, most of us have experienced a relationship that was less than ideal. Heartache and disappointment may have followed broken promises and unkept pledges. Habit and fear might have fooled us into thinking we had no other options, that this is really all there is, all we really deserve.
When we're in the thick of things, our emotions stretched almost to their limit, it can be difficult to step back and assess when enough really is enough. It's so easy to continue holding out on the hope that things will somehow miraculously alter; that our partner will take the steps necessary in order to change; that he or she might somehow bring about the transformation that would at last make everything all right.
Yes, of course miracles do happen. And people can alter - you've probably seen that already, as your relationship gradually deteriorated - but if you are stuck in a bad situation where hope of real change has already evaporated, then maybe it's time for you to finally grasp the nettle and move on. Don't you owe it to yourself to finally reclaim your life?.
Here are my tips for ending a bad relationship and getting back on the path to healthy living:
1. Recognize it's time to go
- Do you feel unhappy more than you feel happy with this person? Do you feel guilty or fearful about wanting to end things? Do you ever dread spending time with him/her? If you're nodding your head, then it may well be time to go. Making the decision to end it will be one of the most difficult parts of the process. Relationships don't usually go bad overnight. The negative things slowly build up over time. It can be difficult to see just how bad it really has become when you're right in the middle of it - but if things are really going to change for the better, then it's essential that you DO see.
2. Assess the situation
- Take a step back and assess your relationship. Most relationships have their good, as well as their bad aspects. If you concentrate only on the bad things as you end the relationship, this might put you at risk of being surprised by your own emotions and slipping back into the old patterns of responding. It's best to acknowledge some of the positive things you had in the relationship -- no matter how few or how long ago -- but don't focus on these aspects, either. Recognize that the bad things are outweighing the good and that they probably have been for quite some time now. You really deserve so much better. Tough as it may be, isn't it time to finally move on?
3. Develop a plan of action
- How will you break up with your partner? How will you react if they try to convince or bully you into staying or coming back? What strategy will you call upon in those moments that habit calls and you find yourself missing your partner? Having a plan in place can help you to follow through with your decision. If you can anticipate some of the things that are likely to happen when you tell your partner, and how you can calmly and wisely respond, you will be less likely to go back on your decision.
4. Be "selfish"
- Now is the time to focus on your self. When you have been giving so much of 'you' to another person for so long, it can feel almost wrong to begin to focus on yourself again. It shouldn't feel this way. While being childishly selfish is not the most mature of qualities, there is another kind of selfishness - a healthy 'self interest' - that is not only a fine, adult quality, but also the foundation of self-respect and self-esteem. Isn't it time, now, to take care of your own needs?
5. Now what?
- You have been putting a lot of energy into this relationship and you've probably been doing it for quite some time. Now it's over you might well find yourself with a space to fill. It's important to think about how you're going to fill this possible void. What activities and hobbies have you been neglecting since you've been in that old relationship? What remains for you to newly discover? Now is the time to reacquaint yourself with old activities and to reach out and try some brand new ones.
6. Create a support network
- No matter how bad your relationship was, you relied on your partner for a lot of things. He/she was likely the person you turned to when you had a bad day, or perhaps they were the only person in the picture, no matter what kind of day you had. Make sure you have the support of trustworthy friends and family who will listen to you and help you when you're feeling down. If there really is no one you feel you can turn to at this moment, the don't be afraid to talk with your doctor, explain the situation and ask for a referral to a counselor or an organization that can help. Reach out and make contact. There really is a whole, big world out there, and it really isn't so very scary.
7. Stick to your guns
- Once you have made the decision to end it, there may be moments when you're tempted to change your mind and go back on it. Only you knows what's best for you. Don't let your partner make you feel guilty for leaving, and let no one bully you one way or the other. Only you know what you need. This really is your life. Isn't now the time for you to live it?
'You lose what you cling to.' Guatama Buddha
Article Source: http://www.abcarticledirectory.com
Peter Field is a leading UK therapist. Please visit his Hypnotherapy Birmingham website for information on sessions. His self hypnosis MP3 download 'Letting Go of the Past' is now available.
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