Last weekend the east coast experienced one of the worst blizzards in recorded history, which must have Al Gore scratching his head and saying, "At least that Internet thingee I invented worked out."
I always like to look for the positive in things and since Washington D. C. was one of the worst areas hit with the blizzard at least it prevented Congress from doing anything stupid for a few days and that is an exceptionally good thing.
Congress, or more broadly politicians in general, don't have the best reputation. But to be fair they have helped a lot of people. For example, there are many stand-up comics who would have nothing to say if it wasn't for Congress and other politicians. And think of all the hookers who would be out on the street if it weren't for politicians (to clarify, the politicians keep them off the streets by having them in their bedrooms.) And think of all the women who are the mistresses of these guys, what are they supposed to do go out and get a job? But the line has to be drawn somewhere, Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, outsourced his adultery to another country and I don't think that's right, unemployment is already too high. There are plenty of women in this country who could have supplied the same services.
I am comforted, though, that some in Congress are championing the efforts to replace the BCS with a legitimate college football playoff. There could be chaos in the streets if we let sports writers vote on which is the best college football team. And thank god they are up in arms about the use of steroids in professional sports. Everyone knows that can lead to more dangerous drugs, and if Americans started taking illegal drugs we'd really have a problem then!
And now the House of Congress has voted to raise the debt limit. I'm sure the Senate will follow suit. In other words every time you reach the limit of money you have to spend all you have to do is raise the limit. I wonder if there is a congressperson that can even spell the word "economics". Currently, the nation owes $40,000 for every person in the country (I'm not sure if that includes the illegal aliens.) So I thinking I'd like to receive my in gold!
What can congressmen (I'm laying off the congresswomen for now, but I have lots to say about Nancy Pelosi, et. al., perhaps the subject of another article! ) be thinking when they are working. Here's my guess:
Congressman #1: Hey, did you read any of that last bill we voted for?
Congressman #2: (laughs) Uh, let me ask you this, were they any pictures of naked women in the bill?
Congressman #1: Not that I know of, I would have looked at it myself if someone told me there were.
Congressman #2: Exactly, now don't waste my time with stupid questions.
Congressman #1: Sorry, here's a legitimate question for you. Did you see the new hottie at the coffee stand out front?
Congressman #2: Wow! Did I ever! I'll tell you, I've got a stimulus plan for that babe.
So, back to that snow storm I mentioned in the beginning, is there anyway we could keep that going over Washington D.C. until... I don't know, say about June. Maybe we could get Al Gore to invent something that will make it happen!
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Steve Yeich is a humor writer with over 25 years of experience. He has written jokes for numerous comedians who have performed on the Las Vegas strip, most notably Jay Leno and Joan Rivers. He has done various forms of script writing including for movies and TV. He has also written over 100 TV and radio commercials. To see more of his articles go to darnfunnyonline.com
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