The Trouble with Romance

It's no secret that we live in a sex-obsessed culture. This is obvious and is often blamed as the source of many relationship problems. Temptation to lust is everywhere. Yet we also live in a romance-obsessed culture. Romance is often thought of as sweet and doting over it doesn't seem that insidious, so what harm can it do? For one, it can set up too high an expectation. Too much relational energy can be poured into romantic relationships to the point that many neglect investing in other relationships as well---close friendships and more authentic connections with family. So much pressure is put on one person to be one's all-in-all. This is setting the other person up as an idol, and an idol will always disappoint.

Romance isn't bad and in fact it's an essential part of bonding. Those first several months in a relationship are thrilling. That stage is important because that is where bonding begins. However, those feelings fade and more mature dynamics must emerge for the relationship to deepen. Marriage is centered on commitment. The idea of romantic feelings being the deciding factor for marriage is truly modern and very American. Centuries before, marriage was important for economic survival and social expectation. There of course was also the biblical reason for marriage. With these factors fading away in society, culture has nothing much left to do with marriage other than celebrate romance and the excitement of hosting a lavish ceremony.

But the initial rush and the feelings fade. So many call it quits after this happens. Hence the high divorce rate in our country. But when the high dies down, romance does not have to completely die, it just takes more effort. It takes sacrifice and thinking of the other person first. The relationship has to mature through commitment and a deepening friendship. This is where true love blossoms.It's no secret that we live in a sex-obsessed culture. This is obvious and is often blamed as the source of many relationship problems. Temptation to lust is everywhere. Yet we also live in a romance-obsessed culture. Romance is often thought of as sweet and doting over it doesn't seem that insidious, so what harm can it do? For one, it can set up too high an expectation. Too much relational energy can be poured into romantic relationships to the point that many neglect investing in other relationships as well---close friendships and more authentic connections with family. So much pressure is put on one person to be one's all-in-all. This is setting the other person up as an idol, and an idol will always disappoint.

Romance isn't bad and in fact it's an essential part of bonding. Those first several months in a relationship are thrilling. That stage is important because that is where bonding begins. However, those feelings fade and more mature dynamics must emerge for the relationship to deepen. Marriage is centered on commitment. The idea of romantic feelings being the deciding factor for marriage is truly modern and very American. Centuries before, marriage was important for economic survival and social expectation. There of course was also the biblical reason for marriage. With these factors fading away in society, culture has nothing much left to do with marriage other than celebrate romance and the excitement of hosting a lavish ceremony.

But the initial rush and the feelings fade. So many call it quits after this happens. Hence the high divorce rate in our country. But when the high dies down, romance does not have to completely die, it just takes more effort. It takes sacrifice and thinking of the other person first. The relationship has to mature through commitment and a deepening friendship. This is where true love blossoms.

Copyright (c) 2013 Tres Adames

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Tres Adames is a minister and Christian Counselor. He has helped people overcome depression, anger, unforgiveness, low-self esteem and various other emotional issues. He writes articles on emotional and spiritual growth on his blog at: www.find-the-path.com

Posted on 2013-03-04, By: Tres Adames *

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