To solve any problem, you first have to identify and acknowledge a problem exists. The exact same holds true in a marriage. This first step may probably be the most difficult to take because it can be perceived as failing in the relationship and not at all consistent with our fairytale view of 'happily ever after.'
The next step to fixing the problem is to quit dealing with the small stuff. Lovers that argue about every minute detail of a disagreement are most likely steering clear of the large issues. These are the things that come up time and time again and never get solved.
Night after night are you arriving home from work late? Can be your partner be feeling ignored? Is your love life maybe not what you would like or need? Do you or your spouse feel disappointed with your marriage or relationship? Have you stopped talking? Do you find it necessary to be right all the time? If this sounds like some of the things going on in your relationship then the problem is not the details, but the key underlying issues that are causing the fighting.
For example, if the discussion is always that your husband is working too long and too late, the main theme is that he needs to have a work/life balance. You will have to help him find that. If the discussion is about how your wife is surly on a regular basis, the main issue might be she needs to feel validated in the marriage, and you definitely have to address that.
By realizing the real problems behind the arguments you'll be better prepared to face these challenges in the future and start to change your marriage.
The second key to improving your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. If you really think that marriage ought to be like a fairy story you will ultimately end up sad. Even the relatively ideal partners have their problems. . The trick is, they learn how to handle them. Couples in a strong marriage sit back and discuss their differences before they get away from them.
Accept and grasp the truth that you and your partner aren't perfect. Release your defenses. When you admit your imperfections you present your inner self to your spouse. The result is opening new doors to dealing with issues in the relationship. Recognizing that you each make mistakes will help you both find methods to do things differently.
The next key to transforming your relationship is to embrace the proven fact that men and women are different and both play a crucial role in the relationship. Different views and opinions aren't wrong views and opinions. Both people bring a distinctive perspective to the relationship and together can find a happy compromise.
Step one to improving your marriage would be to work on yourself first. You try this by focusing on the big picture, pinpointing fundamental problems fueling the arguments, stop trying to be correct constantly, and appreciate your spouse's opinion and contribution.
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