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What Should You Do When You Can't Forgive an Affair?

     When you learn you have been cheated on and betrayed by the person you loved more than anything in this world, granting forgiving them will certainly be a hard thing to do, and forgetting: not possible! This person who you trusted, who spoke their vows to you, broke each of the promises they made on your wedding day. You really feel alone. You feel embarrassed, angry, anxious and resentful. Above all else, you would like things to be the way they were, the loving relationship you had before the affair. Before they cheated you cherished one another deeply, and had a terrific marriage. At this point you would like to rebuild everything you had, however you do not think there's any way that you'll be able to forgive your spouse. The hurt simply goes far too deep. The belief you had before in your spouse is completely wiped out. You realize you should forgive your spouse, however you think that if you do they may cheat on you yet again, and you just don't think that you could survive that. The very thought of experiencing this all over again is much more than you can consider.

You understand that if you wish to cope with this, and re-establish your relationship, you will need to discover how to forgive your spouse.

First, you need to realize that you will not be able to go back to what you had before. If you try, you will be doomed to failure. You cannot send yourself back to the past and make-believe that nothing happened. THIS ABSOLUTELY HAPPENED. Something caused this to happen. This horrible time you have just been forced to experience has caused changes to you and your spouse: changes you need to take into account. For better or for worse, you're not the people you used to be. The relationship you hold on to, the one you dream to go back to, must now be only a memory.

But the truth is CAN move forward: even if you are not able to forgive an affair.

You'll be able to move towards making your new connection just as good, or possibly even better than your old one has ever been. It will not be the same, it can't be. What it could be is healthy and joyful and perhaps much better then it ever was. To get it to that point you must apply of everything you've figured out and are now learning to create a far better and stronger foundation then you had before. Using this freshly constructed, strong foundation, you can begin to reconstruct your relationship.

But what about the : "Forgiveness thing"?

What should you do if you discover that in spite of exactly how much you would like to rebuild your relationship, you simply are not able to forgive? You can still make all of the moves to rebuild your relationship. You can continue to move ahead: even if you can't forgive being betrayed by your spouse. If you take this road, forgiveness may well eventually come your way. This path is called acceptance. Through acceptance you'll find the right path to forgiveness. You may be in a position to acknowledge what happened...of course it did happen. Those who have never been in your shoes might think that you can simply just "decide" to forgive....flick a switch: "There! It's done!" Sorry, that's not the way it works.

You might make the choice that you're going to forgive, but that is way different then forgiving. Most of the people who have never actually gone through this, confuse the two. You can decide to acknowledge what actually happened. By making this decision, you will be opening your heart up to the idea that you could possibly forgive later on, but for the time being you're going to move past what happened. By coping with what happened, and moving past it, you're once more in the position to move forward. You'll be able to get started on the whole process of starting to repair your relationship.

Once you have done this, you're ready to discover what you should do next. Regardless of what it feels like, you aren't the first to go through this, and there are some wonderful people that can teach you what you should do now. You just need to see exactly what the next steps are so that you may build that stronger, more nurturing relationship.

Article Source:

If you find out your spouse has had an affair, it will likely be the start of what may be one of the most challenging times that you have had to face. Finding out what direction to go should you decide you would like to try and repair the relationship is essential. Head to:

Posted on 2014-05-22, By: *

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Note: The content of this article solely conveys the opinion of its author.

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