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My Husband is No Longer Romantic

     With marriage comes the reality of living with the same person day in and day out. After a few years, some kids and bunch of mortgage payments things get boring to say the least. And why not? Suddenly you know each other’s deepest idiosyncrasies that were grounds for them being single for so long before you married them. With that complacency and comfort comes a change in the levels of intimacy that couples experience. Some couples (rare or lying) say that their sex life is always in high gear and despite familial obligations and pure exhaustion, are able to make love 4-5 times per week. For the rest of us, these numbers can dwindle as low as 4-5 times per month – or even a month or two without any sex at all.

Being romantic with someone definitely takes work. You can’t be angry at each other over little things around the house, come in from a long day working or be extremely stressed out and just instantly switch hats. What lacks in many marriages is the pre-intimacy that leads to sex and makes it feel passionate and loving. For instance, if your husband gave you a pot for your 40th birthday even though you hate to cook and then tries to cook something up in the bedroom later you may feel resentful. After all, why should you make love to someone who thinks of you as nothing more than a cook? In his defense, he probably thought you would love the pot because it was expensive and was something you wouldn’t buy for yourself. Suddenly, not having sex on your birthday leads to a few weeks of the two of you being angry at one another.

As we maintain our partnerships with our spouses, it is easy to forget how to be romantic. Men are not the only ones who do this. In fact, as couple hood and marriage progress the two of you probably think less of just each other than you used to. You may have always spent a great deal of time picking out lingerie only to find comfort in granny panties now. He may have brought you flowers for no apparent reason or cooked your breakfast in bed – and now feels he doesn’t have to. The truth is that the two of you have become comfortable in not going out of your way to please each other. You probably spend more time at work, with the kids or pleasing other people. At some point however, both husband and wife will feel neglected and hurt.

It may not be that either of you have lost that loving feeling or have no interest in being intimate together – just that you have forgotten how. It is pretty common for couples to go through the motions of marriage and family only to find themselves sort of virginal about how to get things back on track. The trick is to realize that both of you miss each other in this way and to do something about it. If you have to bump teeth to learn how to kiss one another again, then do it. In addition to that, it is important to keep sight of that person you used to date. When you can see your husband or wife of 10 years as the wild and crazy person they used to be – you can ignite your own passion and romance. Sure, people change in crazy ways when they are married. Yet – there are still some basics about the two of you that brought you together in the first place.

The other thing you must realize is that it is normal, healthy, and expected for romance in marriages to ebb and flow. You would never be able to maintain the thrilling adrenaline rush that comes when a relationship was new. You shouldn’t feel like your marriage is a failure or assume that your spouse no longer loves or cares about you. Instead, commit to talking about things and making time to be together – no matter what is going on in your life.

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Posted on 2013-05-21, By: *

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Note: The content of this article solely conveys the opinion of its author.

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