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Helene Rothschild's Articles

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Peace and Joy: The Next Twelve Commandments Many people honor the Ten Commandments and try to live by them. The belief is that a long, long time ago, God gifted us with these guidelines. In this more complex world, we can use twelve more to steer us in positive personal and global ways. Is It Love or Control? Has anyone ever said to you, "If you loved me, you would do what I ask?" If they did, I imagine it felt like a "guilt trip." "If you love me, you should do what I want," is control. It is coming from the person's fear and not their love. This is one common way people abuse the concept of love. Healing The "Imposter Syndrome" Do you ever feel as though you are hiding who you really are? Are you afraid that if people knew your secrets, you would not be liked or respected? If you do, you are not alone. Many people feel like an imposter. Their stress level is high, because they worry about their truth being revealed. Shy No More If you were describing your personality, would ''shy'' be included? If you answered, "Yes," you are not alone. Many people suffer from this anxious feeling. I often hear people say, "That is the way I am," as if they are stuck with shyness the rest of their lives. Fortunately, that is not true. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I have helped many men, women, and children overcome this limiting, uncomfortable feeling. Prevent Serious Health Problems! Do you have a high pain threshold? The good news is that you probably do not feel much pain. However, the dangerous side is that you are less likely to be aware of the warning signs your body is giving you. Or, if you feel some pain and ignore it, the physical problem is likely to become more serious. Spirituality VS Religion Do you think that spirituality and religion are synonymous? I used to think that they were, but as I learned more, I discovered there are major differences. I found out that you can be spiritual and religious, spiritual and not religious, or religious and not spiritual. That may seem confusing. I will explain. Blame Causes Pain in All Relationships Susan blamed her husband, Stan, for all their problems. Of course, he felt terrible and responded by being passive aggressive. When he was home, Stan spent a lot of his time at his computer. In this vicious cycle, Susan kept verbally attacking her husband and Stan kept shutting down. Because the couple was stuck in their dysfunctional behaviors, they remained in emotional pain. Can you relate to this drama? Unfortunately, it is not uncommon. Knowledge VS Wisdom Are you aware that there is a big difference between knowledge and wisdom? Believe it or not, this information can transform your life. It definitely has affected my life in many profound ways. Why We Attract Partners Like Our Parents If your loved one has similar behavior patterns as your mother or father, you are not alone. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I discovered that this is a very common phenomenon. The puzzle is why men and women, who were verbally or physically abused, often pick partners who are stuck in the same dysfunctional patterns? Forgiving Dad, Your Best Gift for Father's Day How do you really feel about your dad? As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I often helped clients resolve their negative issues with their fathers. Then they were able to truly enjoy giving to them on Father's Day as well as the rest of the year. Hope for Sexless Relationships Do you assume that everyone in a committed heterosexual or homosexual relationship is enjoying physical intimacy? I did, until I became a Marriage, Family Therapist and learned from my clients that it was a myth. In fact, I was amazed how many couples had not made love for a very long time. Can you relate to this situation? Painful Relationships Can Cause Serious Heart Problems Lisa was terrified that she was going to die. She was trapped in her bed with severe heart problems. For seven years, she was struggling with an abusive husband. Even though her condition was treated with operations, medication, and regular doctor visits, Lisa was getting worse. Holistic Living: A Major Key to Health, Happiness and Success Do you want a healthier, happier and more successful life? Then, it is important to realize how crucial it is to deal with all of you, which includes the mind, body, emotions and spirit, our caring and unconditional loving part. I believe that many of our personal, professional, and world problems are caused by this oversight. 12 Solutions for Hard Financial Times During these difficult economic times, are you focusing on the problems and concerned about the future? Do you feel hopeless, helpless, or powerless? Worrying or becoming stressed about the situation will not help you feel powerful or happy. In fact, they can make you ill and then you may have doctor and drug bills. Positive Aspects of the Financial Crisis Of course, I have tremendous compassion for all the people who are struggling financially. It is a terrible feeling and situation to lose your job, home, savings, retirement fund, etc. It may be hard to believe that there is also a bright side to all these serious problems. 7 Ways to Prevent Infidelity Are you suspicious of your loved one's loyalty? Do you sometimes think about having an affair? Are you feeling guilty for having extra-marital relationships? According to the statistics, if you answered "yes" to any of the above, you are not alone. Reports indicate that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will be unfaithful to their partner. It takes a lot more than love to prevent infidelity and maintain a fulfilling relationship. Why We Have Dysfunctional Relationships and Families A Marriage, Family Therapist reveals some important insights as to why we have problems in our relationships and families. She also offers ways we can prevent and heal common dysfunctional patterns. Why Romance Stops and How to Keep it Alive Are you frustrated with the lack of romance in you relationship? Have you been puzzled why it disappeared, and you feel more like roommates? The Spirit of Valentine's Day Valentine's Day is a wonderful reminder to express our love. To me, everyday is Valentine's Day. "Focus each day not on what you can accomplish, but how much caring and love you express to others and yourself." Set Healthy Boundaries Do you allow others to do and say things to you that do not feel good? Would you like to establish new patterns to deal with the problem? Everyone needs to set healthy boundaries. This is a gift to others and you. By allowing people to act in ways that are not appropriate, you actually hurt them too because they are stuck in their unhealthy behavior. Therefore, it is important to learn how to establish boundaries for all involved. Celebrate the Spirit of New Years Celebration is often the word associated with New Years. Many fun, traditional parties are enjoyed. That is definitely part of the spirit of the holiday. However, there is much more. The True Spirit of Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho! Is that what the holiday feels like to you? Or are you burdened and stressed with so much to do? Enjoying the holiday, and feeling and sharing love and peace is what it is all about. I suggest that you sit down, close your eyes, and ask yourself what is the true spirit of Christmas. You may be surprised of the answer you receive. Expectations the Culprit; Acceptance the Key See if you can relate to these examples of expectations. Mary was sad that she did not get the job she wanted. She thought that was the perfect and possibly only job for her. Sally felt frustrated because she did not win the art contest. The loss shook her self-confidence in her abilities. Worry No More! Do you find yourself worrying about the past, present, or future? Do your concerns keep you up at night and even affect your health? Would you like to learn ways to prevent and "cure" this common stressful feeling? How to Feel Good With Family Are you feeling frustrated, resentful, or angry around some members of your family? Do you have mixed feelings about spending time with or calling parents, siblings, children, or relatives? Well, you are not alone. Especially during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, family issues often show up in major ways. How to Enjoy Your Work Do you find yourself resisting going to your job? Are you counting the days until the end of your work week? You are not alone. Monday morning blues is a common condition. However, you can change all that now. Find out now how you too can transform your job into a wonderful service. How to Enjoy the True Spirit of Thanksgiving Do you find yourself stressed planning your thanksgiving feast? Would you like to find out how you can enjoy a more relaxed, fun time and feel the true spirit of this yearly event? Then read on for some suggestions of how you can create a day of thanksgiving instead of stress and exhaustion. Overcoming Performance Anxiety Do you find yourself stressed because you feel you have to keep proving to others (and yourself) that you are a good husband, wife, employee, boss, friend, parent, etc.? If you are, help is on the way! You no longer need to struggle with performance anxiety. By the way, you are not alone. This is a very common problem. Free to Be Happy Sherry’s face lit up. She had just heard a truth that set her free--free to be happy and successful. A few minutes before, she was in tears of hurt when she said to her father, “When I was in the hospital with severe burns and you yelled at me, I felt devastated. I decided that I must be bad and not good enough.” Why Are We Here? Why are we here? Have we come to play the role of husband, wife, parent, teacher, healer, etc.? Are we here to love, play, and experience life to the fullest? What is our primary mission on this planet? Be a Successful Blended Family The divorce rate for the second marriage is higher than the first, and the number one cause is the children. Would you like some important insights and solutions that will help you be a successful blended family? The following case studies and guidelines can help you to prevent and heal problems with your family. 10 Great Benefits of Halloween How do you feel about the Halloween? Are you getting into the action of dressing up or helping your children find a costume? Or are you just looking forward to November 1st? How Determination Creates Success Would you like to succeed with an idea or project? My true story of how my faith and determination led to my great success can inspire you to do the same. Recovering People Pleasers Do you find yourself wanting to make everyone happy, even if it means you are not? Have you hidden yourself in order to survive in your family? If you answered "yes" to the above, you are not alone. In my counseling practice, I have discovered numerous people pleasers, also known as adapters. After they overcame their issues and felt free to be their unique selves, I called them "Recovering People Pleasers." Vertical VS Horizontal Living Living vertically can save your life and serve you in many ways. Since fear causes stress, and stress causes dis-ease, I know this phenomenon has assisted me to be healthy and safe. Healing Laughter Laughter has proven to be a very healing experience. Some people with serious illnesses have successfully laughed themselves back to health. When you laugh, there is an actual chemical release in your body that helps you relax, release stress, and feel good. On the contrary, when you take things too seriously, your body constricts; therefore, you are likely to feel stressed and create dis-ease. Be A “Should Buster!” Are you ‘shoulding’ others and yourself? Do you realize how inappropriate and hurtful that usually is? That is because the word ‘should’ implies that if you do, or do not act, think, feel, or say something, you are not okay. That message hurts everyone’s self-esteem. It also hooks the rebellious part of us, and we are likely to react in a passive or active aggressive way. The Biggest Mistakes Teachers and Students Make Are you having problems with students or teachers? Would you like some guidelines as to how to improve the situation? Intuitive Problem Solving “What am I to do?” Do you have a tendency to feel stressed as you think about all the possibilities? Once you finally made a decision, do you then wonder if you made the right choice? If you are like me, you weigh everything, see both sides, and find it difficult to make decisions. For my sanity and reduction of stress that causes dis-ease, I fortunately discovered a better way. I call it Intuitive Problem Solving. What Your Four Parts Want From You Would you like to feel better and enhance your life? The following are reminders of what your four parts (body, mind, emotions, and spirit) want from you so that you can be balanced and feel good. Put a check next to the statements that you are already doing. Are You Left or Right Brain Dominant? Are you sometimes aware of judging others or yourself because of different behavior patterns? Could it be that people naturally react in a different way to similar situations and everyone is okay? Do you want to understand a basic difference so that you can have more love, harmony, and peace in your life? Healing Sexual Issues Improves Self-Esteem & Relationships Our sexuality is a healthy, normal, human part of us. Sexual problems can hurt your self-esteem and relationships. As a practicing Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned fascinating insights as to the causes of our sexual issues. The following are some case studies of clients who overcame their sexual blocks. Loving Ways To Deal With Death and Dying Death is a natural occurrence, a passageway. When we can accept human death as another cycle of life, we can enjoy our daily lives more because we won’t be in fear. Then we can also gracefully release others who are dying. Read the 23 suggestions that can help you deal with death and dying in a loving, healthy way. What Can I Do Now To Feel Good? We have all of our answers inside of us. When we become quiet and ask ourselves a “What” or “How” question we can receive the information and clarity that we need at the time to feel good, and to resolve our problems. The past is for us to learn from, and our future is dependent on what we choose to think and how we decide to act in the present. Change your present and reshape your future! What I Want To Say to My In-laws How are you getting along with your in-laws? Would you like to improve the relationship? Whether it is an issue with your daughter/son in-law or mother/father in-law, it is helpful for everyone concerned, including the children, to be able to feel good about each other and communicate constructively. The Magic of Love Would you like to receive the magic of love? Are you willing to give it? Try this: For one day, consciously make an effort to be loving or kind to everyone you see, with no expectations of receiving anything in return. 30 Guidelines for Solving Problems It is normal and human to have problems. If our hands get dirty we know how to wash them. Similarly, when we have problems we need to know how to clean them up. Relationships with loved ones, friends, children, bosses, etc. suffer when problems are not resolved in constructive ways. The following 30 guidelines can assist you to resolve problems and enjoy healthy, happy relationships. 21 Biggest Mistakes Friends Make Are you being a good friend? Do you have friends that you appreciate? Would you like to improve your friendships? Is your loving partner your best friend? As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I helped many people resolve issues with their friends and create healthier friendships. The same principles apply to romantic relationships. Ideally, your loving partner is your best friend. Dear Earth Are you aware of what is happening to our beautiful Mother Earth? Do you feel concerned about the many people and businesses that have consciously or unconsciously hurt our air, water, land, animals, vegetation, and atmosphere? The truth is that the situation is not hopeless, you are not powerless, and you can make a difference. Creativity and the Excitement of Life Are you allowing yourself to express your creativity? When you were growing up, were your creative expressions discouraged? Would you like to express that part of you and experience more of the excitement of life? The Biggest Mistakes Society Makes Are you frustrated with the events happening in your neighborhood, city, state, country, and/or the world? Have you wondered why history keeps repeating itself? Would you like some insights as to the causes of the problems and the solutions? 30 Ways to Resolve Upsets Do you ever get upset? Welcome to the human race! It is very helpful to have some course of action so that you can overcome that negative feeling and feel good again. Unresolved upsets hurt you and the others involved. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I discovered some very effective ways to assist my clients. The following 30 guidelines for your personal and professional relationships can help you too. My Golden Years Have you noticed that some mature men and women look so old and others of the same age appear much younger? It is true that there are many factors contributing to these differences. However, I believe that we can take charge of our lives and enjoy the golden years as a vital, active, healthy contributing person. Find out how! 50 Affirmations to Raise Your Self-Esteem Are you ready to feel good about yourself? That is the key to health, happiness, fulfilling relationships, and success. Negative thoughts hurt your self-esteem and positive thoughts help you feel good. To raise your self-esteem, say, sing, or write the following 50 affirmations (positive thoughts) until they become part of your automatic thinking. Success Does Not Fit My Self-image Do you have a successful self-image? Could it be that your old self-image is sabotaging your weight loss, health, career, relationships, or prosperity? Teen-age Suicide: A True Story Are you a teen-ager contemplating suicide or the parent of one? The following case study may help you solve your problem. Nurture Yourself by Giving and Receiving Balancing giving and receiving are ways to nurture yourself and reduce your level of stress. Allow yourself to receive and “fill up your basket” so that you can keep giving. Then you can be happier and healthier, and improve your relationships with everyone, including friends, relatives, and your children and loving partner. Read the 34 suggestions of how you can nurture yourself by giving and receiving. How To Give Help, How To Ask For It Giving help is a craft; receiving help, an art. Read important guidelines about how to give and receive help. Fear That I Do Not Deserve Success Are you striving for personal and professional success and not reaching your goals? Do you feel you deserve success? Could it be that you feel guilty about something you did or did not do that is causing you to feel bad about yourself and sabotage all your efforts? Seven Keys to a Great Relationship Are you ready to create the relationship you desire? When you have the ingredients to a successful partnership, your chances of maintaining a strong, love connection can be increased. Love is not enough. 50 Ways to Nurture Yourself It is important to be able to do what you can to feel good on a daily basis. Then you are not dependent on others because you can nurture yourself. When you are self-caring you are not being selfish. In fact when you feel fulfilled, you then have more to give to others. Find out 50 ways you can give to yourself. Fear of the Unknown For some reason, we are often afraid of the unknown. We will stay in an unfulfilling home, job, or relationship, because we know how it is. It is familiar. We do not know what will happen if we make a change. One client once said, “I would rather be safe than satisfied.” Can you relate to that? How to Identify and Overcome Addictions When we are addicted to someone or something, it means we behave like a slave because we allow the person or strong habit to control us. It is what we do in excess in order to avoid our painful feelings (hurt, anger, fear, loneliness, emptiness, etc.). Therefore, addictions are often the symptoms and not the causes of our troubles. Identify your addictions and overcome them so that you can live a happier, healthier life. The Biggest Mistakes Children Make Would you like to help children avoid the biggest mistakes they make which can hurt their self-esteem, physical and mental health, success in school, sports, etc.? The truth is that you can make a difference in their lives. Children are depending on adults to teach and guide them. Success Means A Scary Consequence Could it be that you are sabotoging your efforts to reach your personal or professional goals because you unconsciously have a fear attached to it? Find out more about this unconscious fear of success and how to overcome it, so that you can experience the success you desrie and deserve. Create the Relationship You Desire Important suggestions from a mini course called "Romantic Relationships 101." The goal is to provide you with important insights and solutions to help you experience the successful loving relationships you desire and deserve. If I Am Successful, I Will Be Alone Many of us have experienced rejection as we were growing up. Other kids, siblings, friends, relatives, and even parents were sometimes jealous of our good looks, intelligence, talents, and achievements. Therefore, we are afraid that people will not like us if we succeed. We may sabotage ourselves in order to be loved and accepted. Forgiving Mom, Your Best Gift for Mother's Day How do you really feel about your Mom? Are you experiencing a deep love and compassion for her? Or do you just feel loyalty and obligation? Are you one of those people who always want to please your Mom? Or are you filled with so much anger and resentment that you avoid them, or rebel by doing the opposite of what they taught you? The Biggest Mistakes Bosses and Employees Make Are you frustrated with your employees and wonder what you can do to improve their efficiency and reduce your stress? Would you like to be more successful as a boss, manager, etc.? Are you an employee and you want to enjoy working with your superiors, reduce your stress, and be more effective? If you answered yes to any of the above, then read on and learn some important insights and solutions to assist you to reach your goal. 24 Secrets To Happiness Are you happy? Would you like to be even happier? You can if you understand what brings true, long-lasting happiness. We all have the ability to create a happy life and we all deserve it. When you focus on the 24 keys to happiness, your life can improve dramatically. It takes two happy people to have a happy relationship. The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Would you like to know how to improve your loving relationship? Do you want to prevent the pitfalls of intimate partnerships so that you can maintain a long-lasting, healthy relationship? Read about the five biggest mistakes and the solutions that can assist you to reach your goal. 20 Keys to Parenting Teen-agers Would you like some help with parenting your teen-ager? As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I noticed that parents were having similar problems with their children during their teen-years. I realized that the children and parents often talked about their frustrations and did not know how to express what they wanted. Read 20 insights and solutions that can assist you to be the succcessful parent you want to be. The Biggest Mistakes Parents Make Are you worried about your child? Do you feel your daughter or son is out of control and you do not know what to do? Would you like to find out the common causes of the problems and the solutions? Oh Jesus, Why? Are you afraid to be spiritual, to express you wisdom, or to teach what you have learned? Do you feel you are stifling yourself, and being what society and your family want you to be to stay safe? Are you concerned that you will be hurt or killed if you are truly yourself? Read about a fascinating case study and find out one of the possible causes. Win-Win Problem Solving Do you feel frustrated because you seem to be struggling with the same nagging issues with yourself and others? Are you ready to solve your problems with win-win solutions? Why Women Sabotage Relationships Are you feeling frustrated with your relationships? Do you want a loving partner and seem to be unsuccessful in reaching your goal? Read about the 20 unconscious reasons why you may be pushing away the relationship you desire and deserve, an example, and a positive thought to turn the negative belief into a positive one. Why Men Sabotage Their Relationships Do you want a loving partner and you seem to be unsuccessful in reaching your goal? Whether you are in a committed partnership or not, you may be unconsciously sabotaging your efforts. Read the 20 reasons men discovered were the culprits for their lack of success in their relationships, an example, and a positive thought to turn the negative belief into a positive one. Wedding Ceremony Are you thinking about writing a part or all of your marriage ceremony? If you are, you can use the following for your wedding, or for an informal spiritual re-confirmation of your marriage commitment. Just fill your names in and enjoy! Resentmentâ€”The Bite That Holds On I told the troubled couple that they were unique but their problems were not. In the course of counseling many couples, I found that the lack of love was rarely the problem. However, hidden resentments caused many bad feelings, and covert or overt conflicts. Find out how to clear your resentments so that you can have the healthy, loving relationship that you deserve. Three Ways We Make Decisions How do you make decisions? Learn about the three ways that can assist you to make the right decisions and avoid a lot of disappointment and pain. Are You Listening? Read case studies of men and women whose marriages ended because they did not know how to listen. Then learn 18 helpful hints. If you take the time to listen to the people in your life, you can avoid many hardships, and you will be greatly rewarded. Enjoy healthy relationships by hearing others, and of course, by asking others to listen to you. Be able to say yes to the question, “Are you listening?” The Spoiled Child Syndrome Were you an only child, or the first or last offspring who received a lot of attention from many family members? Or did you have a professional nanny to take care of you? Did you get everything you wanted whenever you wanted it? Do you believe that everything is coming to you and everyone should put their needs aside for you to be pleased? The Truth About You Why are so many people not fulfilling their potential? What is causing them to be unhappy, and to behave in destructive ways? A therapist tells us the answers and solutions. The Male Dilemma As a boy growing up, did you get any of these messages? Men don’t cry. Boys are sissies if they are afraid. It’s manly to be aggressive. Yelling and verbal abuse are okay—show your lady who’s boss. Don’t dare to be vulnerable or communicate your feelings. If you do relate to some if not all of these beliefs, you have just discovered some reasons why you may be having some problems in your relationships and with your body. The Female Dilemma What a dilemma. How could I let myself be the strong, capable woman I was, and still be accepted as a female? I looked around my environment and saw many women playing the role of a female that they were taught from the time they could understand. Be weak. Best Insurance Policy For Relationships Find out why lovers have affairs and how to prevent them. Helping the Aggressive Child Pat sat upright on the couch as she told me about Chuck's angry outbursts, his desire to kill animals, his willingness to follow his destructive friend blindly—even when he knew the behavior was wrong, his hurtful aggression to his younger brother, and the complaint he received from his teacher about his bad attitude in class. Beyond Sobriety Congratulations! Now that you are sober, you have released yourself from the bonds of your addiction. Now learn how you can take control of your life and live healthy and happy. What is Love? Discover what the word "love" really means. Find out the important difference between love and like and how it can improve all your relationships. â€œI Love You and I Need Spaceâ€ Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed and want to hide from your loved ones? Are you finding yourself even starting arguments, having an accident, or becoming ill so that you can have some time alone? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a constructive way to have that need met? Judges Anonymous Have you ever found yourself judging anyone, including yourself? Welcome to the human race! The phenomenon of judging -- deciding that someone is “not okay,”--is something most people do--including me. In fact, in my career as a therapist, I usually found that the few men and women who believed that they never judged anyone, were in denial. 20 Keys to Fantastic Relationships Are you feeling frustrated in your relationship? Do you find that no matter how hard you try, there is often disharmony between you and your loved one? Are you ready to have the fantastic relationship that you deserve? Change Our Focus, Change Our Society Do you ever wonder why although so much of our tax dollars go to government programs to resolve society’s problems, things seem to be getting worse? Are you appalled while reading the papers or listening to the news because you do not understand why so many adults and children are hurting themselves and others? Warrior Vs. Spiritual Warrior What a dilemma! We see so much that angers and frighten us. We know that it is not right to abuse anybody or anything. We feel our hearts crying, “It’s supposed to be different!” Deep inside we know how to lovingly treat our brothers and sisters, ourselves, and beautiful mother earth. We know the universal values of honoring and respecting all. We want so much to make it all better. We want to make a difference, but the question is, “How”? A Degree in Intimacy Typical of all the clients, Sally and Fred had made negative decisions about themselves and others during their developmental childhood years. They had their brick walls of protection built way before they even met. Find out how they earned a "Degree in Intimacy". How Do You Hug? Learning the art of hugging can improve our relationships and help us feel good and nourished with everyone we embrace. Love and nurturing is free, easy to give and receive and so necessary for our well being. â€œCome Close, But Stay Awayâ€ We Drive Each Other Crazy! Do you desire a relationship but never seem to meet the right person? Are you finding that even when you do connect with someone, the relationship does not last long? It turns out to be another disappointment, another feeling of rejection, or end of a fantasy. If you can relate to these feelings, know that you are not alone. Learn insights into the causes and the solutions to our many relationship dramas. 12 Keys to Successful Parenting AN OPEN LETTER FROM EVERY CHILD Holiday Blues or Joy No matter what your life situation is, or how the past holiday seasons were, you can have a wonderful Christmas. As a Marriage, Family and Child Therapist for twenty-six years, I have helped many people transform their holiday blues to joy. The clients had many painful childhood memories of Christmas. The Power of Positive Thinking: Affirmations Our thoughts are magnetic--they draw to us whatever we are thinking. Positive thinking creates positive results. Negative thoughts attract negative experiences and keep us stuck. Many of our fear-based beliefs came from decisions we made from our experiences.